Starter Villain
by John Scalzi
“Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested; that is, some books are to be read only in parts; others to be read, but not curiously; and some few are to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.” ~ Francis Bacon.
And some are to be read in difficult times, as glee-inducing distractions and knee-slappers. Such a book is Starter Villain, now out in paperback, by New York Times bestseller and Hugo Award winner John Scalzi.
The story begins with recently-divorced former journalist and current substitute teacher, Charlie, going to his bank for a loan to buy his local pub. Before long, extraordinary things involving cats begin to happen. The mourners at Charlie’s Uncle Jake’s funeral are definitely out of the ordinary. So were the flower arrangements they sent. Then things start exploding. Charlie ends up at a compound on a volcanic Caribbean island his uncle owned. And before too long, Charlie is “invited” – it’s made clear that declining the invitation may be unhealthy – to a conference. An unusual conference, but not THAT different from every other conference you’ve been to. It’s a . . .
“Villain conference…. Think of Davos, except they don’t pretend they’re helping people.”
Conferences are almost always longer than you want, and a bit less exciting than the rest of life. Lots of talk, poorly chosen snack foods, jockeying for position, rivalries, and at least one person dressed to hook up. Even so, things do get more eventful as the conference comes to an early conclusion.
How cool, to be able to write like Scalzi, and reliably deliver humor that doesn’t make readers cringe, roll their eyes, or decide to make a sandwich. I can only imagine.
The human imagination is a marvelous thing. On the one hand, it allows us to insist on a world that could be SO much better – while suggesting that the only impediment to the better world is, sadly, THOSE people. A curse, really, to tease us like that.
On the other hand, our imagination – or Scalzi’s, thankfully – allows for things like verbally abusive dolphins threatening labor strikes and cats who … well, you’ll see. PLUS, when you want to call management something more colorful than “management,” a really good imagineer may come up with “suppurating bourgeois fistula of oppression,” which you have to admit is pretty useful. Imagination can even lead to empathy:
“… ‘swimming with the dolphins’ felt exploitative and creepy. I can’t imagine a dolphin actually wants to spend its life being hugged by a parade of podiatrists and preteen girls…”
To show that he understood the lessons he was being given, Charlie said, “So we’re like Spotify, but for evil,” to which his employee and mentor replied, “We’re much less evil than Spotify. We actually pay a living wage to the people whose work we’re selling.” Just because you’re funny as hell doesn't mean you’re out of touch with the moral bankruptcy of modern business models.
If you like snappy dialogue, and unlikely plot twists, Scalzi writes for you, too. One caveat, however: don’t give this to your very sensitive aunt or uncle who blanche when you say “damn” or “hell.” Unless you’re twisted, and you plan to watch them as they read it. Then you should take video and post it online. Tag Scalzi and me. Be villainous.